Why I’d Rather Juggle Chainsaws Than Do Part-Time Gigs

Oh, the gig economy—everyone's favorite love-to-hate side hustle paradise. You’ve probably heard the spiel: "Be your own boss!", "Work from anywhere!", "Make easy money in your pajamas!" Sounds peachy, right? Well, let me throw a wrench in those glossy, overly optimistic advertisements.

Freelance Frenzy: Not All That Glitters Is Gold

First off, let’s talk part-time cleaning gigs. Now, I love a clean space as much as the next guy—maybe even more, considering my three, endlessly shedding dogs (seriously, “I’m hungry... I’m hungry..” eats more hair than food). But turning cleaning into a gig isn’t as sparkling as it sounds. Imagine this: you’re scrubbing away in someone’s bathroom while they obliviously continue their third season binge-watch. Not exactly the dream job, is it?

Then there are these freelance gig apps. They pop up faster than I can say "how do you even pronounce Tolken correctly?" (it's Tolkien, by the way). Sure, they promise you gigs aplenty, but sift through them and it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Not to mention the cut they take—yikes!

Thinking about freelance virtual assistant jobs? Been there, tried to do that. Organizing someone else’s chaos, while my own to-do list looks like a Pollock painting, isn’t exactly my cup of tea.

Event Staff Gigs: More Chaos Than a Family Camping Trip

Event staff gigs? Please. If you think herding my two energetic sons and a spirited eight-year-old daughter into an RV counts as experience, then sure, I'm qualified. But real talk, it's more chaos than organizing a camping trip during a locust swarm. At least with my kids, I don't have to pretend to smile for tips.

Now, let’s nudge over to the freelancing babysitting jobs. Remember when I joked about juggling chainsaws? I’d seriously consider it over watching a horde of sugar-fueled toddlers. Sure, my daughter loves when I'm the human jungle gym, but at least I can negotiate with her using bedtime stories and extra screen time.

Why I’d Swipe Left on Gig Apps

• No benefits. Where’s my healthcare? My dental? Heck, I’d take a free coffee at this point.
• The "flexible hours" myth. It’s flexible as long as it’s always available, right?
• Inconsistent income. It’s like playing the lottery, but with more effort and less fun.
• The anonymity of clients. I’d rather know if I'm dealing with a Darth Vader or a Luke Skywalker kind of boss.
• Did I mention the cuts these apps take? There goes my dream of purchasing another overpriced, yet irresistibly ergonomic office chair.

Honestly, the gig economy can feel like you’re selling your soul for a pittance, all under the guise of entrepreneurship. But hey, if you’ve got the stomach for it, who am I to stop you from your glamorized side hustle?

When Does It Work, Then?

Don't get me wrong, gig work isn’t all doom and gloom. For some, it’s a perfect fit. College students, stay-at-home parents looking for a bit of cash without the full-time commitment, or digital nomads who can balance a laptop on one knee and a cocktail on the other—more power to you.

But for yours truly, I'll stick to running my businesses, dabbling in AI, and maybe crafting a bad joke or two. Speaking of which, did you hear about the gig worker who… Nah, I’ll save that one for another time.